Diary of a Disturbing Influence

I’ve encountered Christian patriarchy in one form or another since childhood, but until recently, I didn’t have a name for it. I started questioning it at age seven when I demanded to know why our church made girls wear skirts. “I don’t know, honey,” said my mother. “Well, that’s stupid,” I told her, and she didn’t argue. My mother is an outdoors person. She was a tomboy who played with Tonka trucks instead of dolls, and to this day she loves nothing more than to fish in a mountain stream on a fall day. You don’t wear skirts when you go fishing.

You can’t climb trees in them, either. I discovered this when I was eight. I attempted climbing our apple tree in a dress, which ripped. Mom said: “Sarah, you can wear a dress or climb trees. Not both.” I chose the trees and I’ve never looked back. My life has not been empty or unfulfilled because of that childhood decision. I don’t feel that I am somehow unfeminine because I like climbing trees or hate wearing dresses or better yet, plan to pursue a career. Organizations like Vision Forum and Visionary Daughters would have us believe that unmarried women should live at home until their eventual marriage. Apparently, marriage is to be the goal of every woman’s life. A career is unthinkable. Her sole job is to be a keeper at home, and her boss is her husband (and, allegedly, God). Independence? Higher education? Dating? Goodbye to them.

My parents have always told me that if I didn’t go to college, they were kicking me out after I was 18. They put great store in the ability to fend for oneself, and that is what I and my brother have been trained to do. We were encouraged to follow our dreams, to use our God-given abilities. Not once was I criticised as sinful or unwomanly because I preferred reading books to cooking or sewing. I am an International Studies major. I will be studying in Wales for the fall semester of 2009, and I’m hoping for an internship in DC next spring. Keep at home? No, thank you. I love to travel and I love to be on my own, and I don’t doubt that God’s made me that way for a reason.

I want to marry some day, maybe even have children. But it’s not my priority, and why should it be? My priority should be serving God. It’s a priority that I am trying to keep a priority. Other things like to creep in, but that’s life in this world. I’m grateful that my parents threatened to kick me out of the house if I didn’t do something with my life. I’m glad that my mother thinks it’s wierd for girls my age (19) to marry. She is of the firm conviction that the Quiverfull and Patriarchal camps are out of their minds, and more importantly, out of the Scriptures. And I am glad that my father finally recognized that I do not need him or my little brother to protect me.

A godly family, indeed.